Over the past couple months I have been allowing myself to seriously consider using a donor egg in my attempts to have a child. Aged 40 and with 3 failed IVFs behind me, the likelihood of success with my own eggs is now very small. This is a difficult decision to work through. Not only must the impact on a donor conceived child be considered, but there is also grief to be worked through for the mother, grief that time has run out with her own eggs, grief at the loss of the genetic child, grief that the child will not share her physical characteristics.
I have created this image as a step in letting go of having a genetic child. I’m letting go of things associated with having a genetic child, dropping them into a stream and letting them float away. In the picture, I’ve let go of my previous own egg failed pregnancies (Tadpole & Bean), a pregnancy magazine (painful reminder from previous attempts), dietary supplements to help improve egg quality, a child that looks like me, time (with my own eggs), and I’m letting go of my own egg. On the forest floor I have written a few nurturing words to help me with this: self compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, self care and everything changes. I chose a forest scene because I feel safe and grounded in woodland. The stream is golden as the image I based it on had golden gravel with clear water on top.
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