Month: July 2016

Redundancy P45 Reconstruction

The idea of reconstructive art for therapeutic purposes is take an object associated with something emotionally painful, to take this object apart and to then reconstruct it into something else. This serves as a way of engaging with and releasing difficult emotions in a constructive and manageable way. There is also the possibility of creating something positive from the painful object.

Since being made redundant in 2013 I have not attempted to seek another paid job because of my difficult feelings around the redundancy and going into a new workplace. I’ve now reached a stage where I feel willing to engage with these feelings, and have started to use my art work to do this.

I have chosen to do some reconstructive art using my P45. For those outside the UK, a P45 is a tax statement that you receive on leaving employment providing details of your last employment and a form to populate with details of your new employment. Just coming face to face with this document reduced me to tears but I was able to continue to work with it, allowing my emotions to emerge as needed.

I first shredded the page which contained the details of my last employment. I’ve written the words “The past” on top.

The Past_identity_removed_small

I next moved on to work with a page about future employment. I decided to depict the uncertainty of the future in the picture. I also felt able to go closer to some of the difficult emotions by keeping and highlighting some of the painful phrases from the page.

The Future_identity_removed_small

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Accepting My Donor Conceived Child

 

I am moving ahead with IVF using a donor egg and donor sperm. I have recently gone through the process of selecting an egg donor and have found it unexpectedly difficult. After excluding donors who did not match the physical characteristics I preferred and those who triggered difficult feelings due to my longstanding issues, I exhausted the egg bank’s population. It was a case of accepting a compromise or waiting for a perfect match to appear. I have selected an egg donor who doesn’t match my preferred physical characteristics. Like many potential parents, I would like my child to share some physical characteristics with me. I have brown hair and hazel eyes. The egg donor has red hair and blue eyes. The sperm donor has blue/green eyes so there is a high probability that any conceived child would have blue eyes. I’m particularly hung up on the eye colour, even though nothing is guaranteed regardless of the donor’s eye colours. I am working towards acceptance of potentially having a child that shares few physical characteristics with myself. What I have done though is to choose two wonderful donors that I would liked to have been my parents.

The painting shows me with my arm around a child conceived of the donors I have selected, my arm around the child portraying acceptance of this child. The donors are depicted at the top. They will always be a distant but present part of our lives, and maybe in the future we will meet.

I shared this image with my therapist a few days ago and immediately cried. Sharing this image has brought me face to face with a child that does not look like me. It has brought my emotion to the surface in a healthy way and enabled me to feel the emotional pain.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.