Accepting My Donor Conceived Child


I am moving ahead with IVF using a donor egg and donor sperm. I have recently gone through the process of selecting an egg donor and have found it unexpectedly difficult. After excluding donors who did not match the physical characteristics I preferred and those who triggered difficult feelings due to my longstanding issues, I exhausted the egg bank’s population. It was a case of accepting a compromise or waiting for a perfect match to appear. I have selected an egg donor who doesn’t match my preferred physical characteristics. Like many potential parents, I would like my child to share some physical characteristics with me. I have brown hair and hazel eyes. The egg donor has red hair and blue eyes. The sperm donor has blue/green eyes so there is a high probability that any conceived child would have blue eyes. I’m particularly hung up on the eye colour, even though nothing is guaranteed regardless of the donor’s eye colours. I am working towards acceptance of potentially having a child that shares few physical characteristics with myself. What I have done though is to choose two wonderful donors that I would liked to have been my parents.

The painting shows me with my arm around a child conceived of the donors I have selected, my arm around the child portraying acceptance of this child. The donors are depicted at the top. They will always be a distant but present part of our lives, and maybe in the future we will meet.

I shared this image with my therapist a few days ago and immediately cried. Sharing this image has brought me face to face with a child that does not look like me. It has brought my emotion to the surface in a healthy way and enabled me to feel the emotional pain.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



  1. Thank you for your post. I love your simple sentence, “It has brought my emotion to the surface in a healthy way and enabled me to feel the pain.” I’m passionate about the power of people taking responsibility for their emotions as a way to peace. The sentence you wrote and the process you shared contains the seed of healing for all. I’m sending you so much support for the journey you are on. Annie

    Liked by 1 person

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