anger

The Red Time of the Month

When experiencing mood issues and you have nothing better to do, I think it a good idea to direct one’s experience onto canvas.

I am currently in a storm. My head is full of irritable energy. I have been awaiting my period for days. Maybe my mood is hormonal; maybe it is the things I am dealing with at the moment. The red time of the month is the storm as well as the bleed. I hope it isn’t long before the calm after the storm.

the-red-time-of-the-month_small

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I am Hurting

After months of preparation, I went ahead with my donor egg IVF. Embryo replacement was scheduled to take place yesterday, only the treatment failed with no viable embryos created. I initially sat with my grief, working on a painting to help me process the situation, however last night the emotions became intense and so I decided to express them on a canvas. I didn’t plan this piece of art. I simply depicted what was coming up at the time. As you can see, there has been a lot of anger and emotional pain, but it was positive to let my feelings out in this way.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fuck Off I’m Doing IVF

 

Whilst writing a flame letter to my therapist after she left a triggering treat on her website, a part of me emerged who wanted to fight for me and my IVF dream. This part says Fuck Off, I’m doing IVF. So here I am, lashing out against the challenges which accompany me as I go through IVF. The zigzags and crosses are my anger – I didn’t want to waste any canvas. The heart is the love that I deserve. I’m now off to burn the flame letter.

The smaller text in the image reads

Despite my financial worries

Despite my lack of money to provide for a baby

Despite nonsense postcards from my mother

Despite not having a job

Despite having little income

Despite having no practical support

Despite my therapist adding to my worries

Despite having a body full of stress hormones

Despite having thoughts of killing myself

Despite having intrusive thoughts

Despite having self harming thoughts

Despite problem chap not buggering off

Despite my head imagining spiders in my house

Despite people betraying confidences

Despite my stomach having been poorly for weeks

Despite my house being in a rubbish state

Despite not having done fertility yoga

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Shackled

 

I live some aspects of my life according to unhelpful messages from my parents and my anxieties, rather than as nature and free spirit intended. I am increasingly aware of these things and their impact upon me. I created this image to express the sense of being constrained and shackled. The image makes me feel angry and sad.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

IVF III

 

Those of you who follow my other blog (NorthernRose’s Ramblings) will know that I recently experienced a third IVF failure. I have felt the presence of unexpressed pain about the experience and outcome. This morning I have felt ready to do something artistic in order to have healthy contact with the pain and allow some of it to come out. I have basically drawn the experience. At present, everything connected to the IVF attempt feels uncomfortable but hopefully in time, a separate and happier relationship with meditation, particular foods, swimming, the music I was listening to and the crafts I was doing, will be restored.

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Internalize/Externalize

I was feeling overwhelmed with feelings of anger. I decided that putting paint on canvas was a good idea to help manage and express how I was feeling. My therapist has encouraged me to externalise anger and so I decided to depict this concept.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Speak

In all aspects of society, we are expected to speak to one another, whether it be our family, friends, colleagues, officials, or persons we wish do business with. When speaking doesn’t come easy, for example due to anxiety, lack of confidence or autism, one can feel alone and different to other people. I often experience myself as the pink person in this image, alone and different. The feelings which go with this image are anger, fear and sadness.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.