depression

A Dark Weave

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After creating the Scared picture my mood dropped and I found myself in a dark place. It wasn’t all bad though – creative ideas began to emerge. The first idea was to create a piece of weaving all in grey reflecting my dark mood and that is what I have done here. Grey isn’t a colour I would normally use and is a reflection of my dark mood. I completed this piece in only 24 hours. I threw myself into expressing the dark and broken place that I was in. The hole in the middle, the top layer of tassels having different lengths and the hanging cord being comprised of pieces of yard tied together (not visible in the photo) represent the broken feeling. As I expressed my feelings through this piece, I did find my mood lifting.

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Fuck Off I’m Doing IVF

 

Whilst writing a flame letter to my therapist after she left a triggering treat on her website, a part of me emerged who wanted to fight for me and my IVF dream. This part says Fuck Off, I’m doing IVF. So here I am, lashing out against the challenges which accompany me as I go through IVF. The zigzags and crosses are my anger – I didn’t want to waste any canvas. The heart is the love that I deserve. I’m now off to burn the flame letter.

The smaller text in the image reads

Despite my financial worries

Despite my lack of money to provide for a baby

Despite nonsense postcards from my mother

Despite not having a job

Despite having little income

Despite having no practical support

Despite my therapist adding to my worries

Despite having a body full of stress hormones

Despite having thoughts of killing myself

Despite having intrusive thoughts

Despite having self harming thoughts

Despite problem chap not buggering off

Despite my head imagining spiders in my house

Despite people betraying confidences

Despite my stomach having been poorly for weeks

Despite my house being in a rubbish state

Despite not having done fertility yoga

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I Understand The Feelings Are Difficult

Whilst having a difficult day with my head, I stopped and asked, what did I need in order to settle my anxious thoughts, and what I came up with was someone to empathise with my difficult thoughts and feelings. And then came the idea to create this image so that I could reflect empathy back at myself. I thought of a star fish simply as something calming and added the shell for a bit more interest. This is the first painting I have completed for several months. I found that the process of painting itself did slow down my mind. I intend doing some more painting over the next few weeks.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

IVF III

 

Those of you who follow my other blog (NorthernRose’s Ramblings) will know that I recently experienced a third IVF failure. I have felt the presence of unexpressed pain about the experience and outcome. This morning I have felt ready to do something artistic in order to have healthy contact with the pain and allow some of it to come out. I have basically drawn the experience. At present, everything connected to the IVF attempt feels uncomfortable but hopefully in time, a separate and happier relationship with meditation, particular foods, swimming, the music I was listening to and the crafts I was doing, will be restored.

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Bewildered Child Left Behind

 

I felt unsure what to call this sketch. It depicts me as a child feeling abandoned, bewildered, alone and full of shame. The first adult is my ex-manager who made me redundant. I’m no longer wanted at my old job and I’m expected to be able to go out and get another job on my own. The second adult is a friend I met at a mental health drop-in. She befriended me, messaged me frequently and has now pulled away, leaving me alone again. I’m supposed to be able to go out and make friends myself. The third adult is my therapist. She’s decided not to reduce fees for me as a long term unemployed person. She suggested we meet less often instead. Her world appears near perfect from the outside. I feel full of shame for how I am. I feel others are exiting my life leaving me alone and stuck. I refuse to embrace adulthood because it’s too frightening.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Me: A Blob Of Negativity

My mood descended into a not good state. I felt like a blob of negativity so decided to depict it. I went with bright colours despite the low mood because they represent the energy in my feelings. Although obviously a negative image to create, creating it has been helpful because it has interrupted and slowed down the negative thoughts. Also, saying these things about myself so bluntly has triggered thoughts that some of the negative statements about myself are not entirely true, which is obviously a positive. 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I Want To Live

I have been feeling very low recently and the voice in my head has kept saying that I want my life to end. However I am aware that somewhere deep down there is a little part of me that does want to stick around. This image acknowledges the presence of the bit that wants to live. It also illustrates an experience of depression. 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.