I’m dealing with multiple difficult issues at the moment and to top it all, I just received a re-assessment form for my state benefits. The threat of losing some or all of the financial assistance I receive is worrying me and propelling me towards more suicidal thoughts. So I decided to externalise my worries on canvas as doing something creative may help to soothe me and may create a little distance between myself and my thoughts and feelings.
The smaller text in the picture reads:
My father will come and get me
I will be told off
I will die because there is no other solution to the difficulties.
I wont live in a nice house again.
I wont ever have a child.
No one will help me.
I will lose my home.
I will become homeless.
Birthday and Christmas without presents will be too painful.
I wont have a family again.
I wont fulfil my potential.
I wont be able to share all of me.
I will lose my benefits.
I wont ever be able to afford a cat.
I wont ever have a close female friend.
No one will love me.
I will never hold a baby.
I wont be able to be a good Mum.
I wont be able to do paid work again.
I will be judged condemned by the rest of my family because they don’t know my story.
I will be plagued by anxiety for the rest of my life.
© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.