Express It Loud

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During my childhood I was discouraged from expressing myself and this was quite damaging for me. Over the past year I have started to become more able and wanting to express myself. I have felt sadness at having been shut down as a child, and determined as an adult to be myself more. I created this picture as an antidote to the childhood programming and to reinforce the message of expressing things.

It was important to incorporate noise into this piece. The pink hanging thing is a proper working rattle. In the middle is bells from cat toys; And the push button on the right makes a very loud squealing monkey noise 🙂

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do Something AMAZING

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One of my mental health workers has several times suggested that I do something amazing. With my head giving me grief, I decided to distract it by creating this amazing picture. The dots and stars are all sparkly and the worker liked the picture 🙂

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

IVF 5

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In November I went through my fifth IVF, the second attempt using donor eggs. Like the first attempt with donor eggs, it resulted in no viable embryos. For several weeks  afterwards I felt unable to do anything creative (due partly to another difficult situation which cropped up at the same time). This week I had the opportunity to start another donor egg cycle however I realised that I wasn’t ready to go through it all again. And so I decided to create this picture to make contact with the difficult feelings from the previous attempt and hopefully ready myself to try again.

In the centre is the one embryo which did grow for a few days. As it was a case of deja vu, I chose to depict the embryo the same shape and size as the picture I created following my previous attempt (see My Red Haired Embryo). The embryo reached seven cells, hence the seven hexagons inside the embryo, and was very fragmented. The donor had hazel eyes and blonde hair, represented by the hazel like ring and yellow bits. I was very stressed and wanted to depict this with the swirling blue and purple.

It’s fingers crossed for a better outcome next time.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Gifts For Me

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As a younger child, one of the biggest parts of Christmas is receiving and opening presents. As we grow older, we learn that Christmas is really about love, hope and giving. But the child part that likes to receive does remain inside. And when as an adult you are likely to receive few or no Christmas presents, it is painful for that child part. To support my child part, I have chosen her some presents from toy and gift catalogues. I am showing her that she is cared for and loved.

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Dark Weave

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After creating the Scared picture my mood dropped and I found myself in a dark place. It wasn’t all bad though – creative ideas began to emerge. The first idea was to create a piece of weaving all in grey reflecting my dark mood and that is what I have done here. Grey isn’t a colour I would normally use and is a reflection of my dark mood. I completed this piece in only 24 hours. I threw myself into expressing the dark and broken place that I was in. The hole in the middle, the top layer of tassels having different lengths and the hanging cord being comprised of pieces of yard tied together (not visible in the photo) represent the broken feeling. As I expressed my feelings through this piece, I did find my mood lifting.

 

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Scared

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I’m dealing with multiple difficult issues at the moment and to top it all, I just received a re-assessment form for my state benefits. The threat of losing some or all of the financial assistance I receive is worrying me and propelling me towards more suicidal thoughts. So I decided to externalise my worries on canvas as doing something creative may help to soothe me and may create a little distance between myself and my thoughts and feelings.

The smaller text in the picture reads:

My father will come and get me

I will be told off

I will die because there is no other solution to the difficulties.

I wont live in a nice house again.

I wont ever have a child.

No one will help me.

 I will lose my home.

I will become homeless.

Birthday and Christmas without presents will be too painful.

I wont have a family again.

I wont fulfil my potential.

I wont be able to share all of me.

I will lose my benefits.

I wont ever be able to afford a cat.

I wont ever have a close female friend.

No one will love me.

I will never hold a baby.

I wont be able to be a good Mum.

I wont be able to do paid work again.

I will be judged condemned by the rest of my family because they don’t know my story.

I will be plagued by anxiety for the rest of my life.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vulnerable Child Collage

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My inner vulnerable child has been erupting due to the issues that I am currently grappling with. So I decided to spend some time with her doing something that she liked. We sat on the floor together and made this collage. I think she wanted to say “I’m here”. I limited the source material to a single seasonal holiday booklet to make the choices easier. I wasn’t expecting a vulnerable person to create a warm looking viking! She wanted to include the tree as she likes sparkly things.

© northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to northernrose17 and A Therapeutic Art Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.